Sometimes I want to ask my father...

..."Why is everything a bit with you? Some kind of comedy routine?" And then I look at the myriad conversations my friends are forced to have with me where I'm all "Wokka wokka wokka!" and I hold my tongue. Sorta.

Via Textual Interface on Smart Phones

Me: Would you like a barely used coffeemaker?

Dad: Why? What's wrong with it?

Me: Jill was giving it away because her parents bought her a French press. It has a paperless filter.

Dad: Which has a paperless filter? Why would you want to press a Frenchman?

Me: DO YOU WANT A NEW COFFEEMAKER OR NOT, MULE?

Dad: Yes, if I'm touched I'm touched*. Crabby :p [Ed. note: WHO TAUGHT HIM TO MAKE THAT EMOTICON?! ANDREW?!]

*One of a dozen quotes by Muley, the Joads' neighbor who wanders around like "an ol' graveyard ghost" after all his neighbors have lost their farms to the bank. The Grapes of Wrath. Reading: It's FUNdamental!

Why I Never Should Have Told Dad About My Volunteer Work With Cats

EDITORIAL CORRECTION

My dad pointed out to me that female geese are hens; male geese are ganders.

I want you all to know that in the past, I have told friends that the gravity box being stored in Dad's pole shed by a neighboring farmer was for making ice cream. So just be aware I'm never a reliable source for non-TV, non-bookish related information.